This is a conversation I had with my mother earlier this evening.
ME: I had another person complain about their life to me today. Why does this keep happening to me?
MOM: It's because you look like a nice person.
ME: But I'm not.
MOM: Yes you are.
ME: No, I'm not. All I can think while they're talking is “When will you go away so I can concentrate on things I actually care about”?
MOM: And you want to be a psychologist?
ME: Well, if they're paying me then I care about them.
MOM: You have a true calling.
ME: Hey, if I'm busy and they come up to me complaining about their life I'm going to give them a solution.
MOM: Which is?
ME: Alcohol, drugs or suicide. They're all proven effective, pick one.
MOM: I'll help you find a good lawyer.
ME: I love you.
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